


Here, Grab an Ice-cold....

by Angeltigerdragon



Series: MonsterAU [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pining, THE BOXES - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-14 14:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angeltigerdragon/pseuds/Angeltigerdragon
Summary: A week after Peter and Tony meet, their caretakers ponder the future with drinks.





	1. Wade at Sister Margret's

**Author's Note:**

> To understand this, here is my headcanon:  
> There are no mutants. Evil organizations (i.e. HYDRA or AIM) have attempted to replicate the super soldier serum. In the experiments, they have added animal DNA or found genes that can cause powerful mutations. So, you will see Deadpool, Wolverine, Sabertooth, and others pop up, however they are not natural born mutants. The people with those powers are genetically enhanced and have escaped or been rescued by SHIELD or other groups like it. Some of the evil ones will have been sold or escaped but decided humanity is not worth it. I will give small biographies for the ones mentioned and how they ended up where they are.

(Yay! We made it!)

                [Just to introduce the next scene. Peter’s P.O.V is over until the next arc.]

                (Buuuuut, we’re here and in a bar. About to mee-)

                [Shut it or we’ll give the whole scene away.]

Wade grumbled as Weasel poured another Blow Job. The scrawny (Hehe, original) bartender stared at his unpredictable client. Wade lifted his mask and gulped the shot.

                “Another,” he said curtly.

Weasel delivered.

                “Not that I don’t like it, fuck it, I love that you haven’t tried to jack up my place or call me “sweetie pie sugar lump” in a while.” He stops mid pour. “And as much as it would be better for all parties I gotta ask, what’s eating ya?”

Wade takes the mostly Kalua and downs it.

                “Peter’s keeping secrets. And I think they may have to do with those SHIELD douches who I caught following him.”

                “Wow. That’s bad. Does Peter have any moral objections to webbing them? I’m saying he has to eat the douches, but he could imply.”

                “He doesn’t know. And he won’t.”

Weasel does the one thing that has kept him alive and well in this business: silence.

And a nervous whistle.

Wade snaps his fingers [Figuratively.] and another Blow Job appears.

The man seethes in his dirty stool while drowning his sorrows in funny branded booze.

Until, she sits next to him. A beautiful woman who looks like the kind that would make you love them while stealing your 401K. Her black attire and red hair are a dead giveaway to Wade who has worked wet jobs in the past. He snorts.

                (Hawkbaby would’ve been better. Less traumatic.)

                [We’re meant to follow the path written, not the path we want.]

                (Very zen.)

                [Peter’s fortune cookie.]

                (Still works.)

                “If it isn’t long, leggy, and deadly. What brings Black Widow to Sister Margeret’s?”

Black Widow does not answer yet. Instead, she pulls out a manila envelope.

                “Old school, nice touch.”

Wade says this with clenched teeth. He takes the folder and opens it. Out pour blurry photos. Of Peter.

His katanas are behind the bar, but his K-9’s are strapped to his belt. If he can reach for them—

                “Don’t even bother. We’re not here to threaten you, Wade.”

                “We?” he says, sneering.

                “Rogers sticks out. I had to come alone. We know about the boy and what OSCORP did to cover it. I also know you’ve been helping him gather information from Osborn. And breaking down his late-night businesses. I’m here to warn you. You and he need to stop before something happens.”

                “Hm. And while we’re off living the otaku lifestyle you’n’the Jolly Avengers Lot are going to wait around with surveillance on those corrupt kiddie diddlers?”

                “Yes,” she says.

Weasel hands a somewhat nice glass of box wine. His hand shakes the entire time.

                “Weapon X’s funds can be traced to several off-shore accounts. One of them has been cracked. It goes to OSCORP’s subsidies, which don’t exist. However, there are several pieces missing for us to finally get Osborn. One of them is proof of the experimentation.”

Wade stiffens. Holds his thirteenth shot lightly. Black Widow pulls her down and a glint of steel shows.

                “Are you saying,” he pauses, takes a breath. “That my spidey is the proof?”

Black Widow only raises an elegant brow. (Original!)

                “No. The boy’s involvement is not needed. If anything, his safety and concealment are top of the list.” Black Widow wipes the glass with her sleeve and takes a tiny sip.

                “Safety?”

                “Safety. Guaranteed by the Avengers.”

Wade turns to Black Widow for the first time.

                “SHIELD is unaware of his presence. Not for long. Hawkeye and I can only divert them for long. It’ll be better for everyone if he were to come under our guardianship. Like the twins have.”

Wade shifts his weight bringing his arm closer to his hip.

                “You’re not taking him.”

                “It is merely an invitation. The more exposed he is means SHIELD has some idea of him. Here.” She hands over a laser pointer. “Banner and Pym made it for Iron Man to hide his identity, but it can work with the boy.”

Wade waits. Black Widow sips more from her glass. She leaves a perfect little lip stain on the glass.

                [She is good. Take the laser pointer.]

                (Yeah! It might have like some cool James Bond shit.)

Wade takes it.

                “It’s an image distorter. He can hide himself in plain sight.”

With that, Black Widow leaves.

Weasel comes back and stares at the full glass.

                “She didn’t pay.”

                “Her money’s too bloody for this place,” Wade says.

He shoves the device in one of his pouches and gestures for his katanas.

*

At his nicer apartment Wade opens the door. Blind Al looks (Ha! Oxymoron.) in his direction. She’s in her old lady sweats. The ones Peter got her for Christmas. They are the ones that are sold by celebrity lines. Melissa McCarthy if he has it right. She does look good in them.

Wade huffs and toes off his boots for his crocs.

                “How’s he doing?”

                “Okay. Not acting like it’s the end. You should really have him speak to someone.”

Wade grunts and gets a YooHoo from the refrigerator. He goes back to his couch.

                “Kid’s got me and the boxes. What else is needed?”

                “Besides you, Wade. He’s got to have friends to function. I don’t count. Neither does that weird guy you bring around” Al says. [She means Weasel and yes, the first time they met he did try to shoot Peter. Moron here broke his shooting arm afterwards.] She gets up and searches for her cane.

Wade kicks it out of her range. Al gives him the bird. Carefully toeing for her cane, Al reminds Wade of the reason he has her come over.

                 “How did tonight go? Spidey didn’t get all maudlin over the you-knows.”

Al stops in her search. She sighs.

                “He misses them. We’re his friends, but it’s not enough. They were his family, Wade,” she says while almost tripping on her cane. Al picks it up. “For him, this is all finally coming down. His identity, his life, his family. Gone.”

                “Not gone. Replaced.”

                “Then all we can do is be there for him,” Al says. She holds out her hand.

Wade takes the packet of rent money out his pouch (The wet one! Hehe!) and throws at Al. She catches.

                “We also practiced my catch. He’s in your bed.”

She leaves, slowly, cane tapping on the floor.

Wade gets up and takes off his suit. He is down to boxers and his mask.

When Peter moved in, he had told Wade he got used to sleeping in webs. He said it was like the world’s most comfortable hammock. Wade had actually gone out and bought him a Kammok Roo hammock to sleep in when the webs got everywhere and made life sticky (NOT IN THE GOOD WAY).

Though, whenever Peter felt less human, he would crash on the couch or on Wade’s bed for a few minutes. Recently, Peter had been doing that more. Wade did not like it; mostly because something bothered his spider and Peter would not tell him.

The merc rubbed his masked face.

He got in bed and lied next to Peter. The boy did not stir. His furry self all soft looking in sleep and it drove Wade crazy sometimes.

                _Safety_.

                [Not us talking.]

                (Sounded like Waller.)

                [Wrong fandom, although I think we’re branching out.]

                (Yeah.)

                […]

                (You’re not really thinking he’ll give them our Petey. Right?)

                [Black Widow wasn’t lying. And Al wasn’t wrong. Peter needs more than us.]

                “He does,” Wade whispers. “But, I won’t tell him. And they can come with all they got. Unless he says otherwise, Peter stays here. Where he belongs.” [And…] “With me. Him and me.”

                (Scene ends.)   

                [With much to do and little resolution.]

                (Second part, Captain Delish with—)

                [Don’t spoil it. You how they feel about those.]

                (Bu—)

                [Shove it!]

                (Brrrrrppphhh!)

                [That’s an onomatoapea. No. Onomonatopia. No. Aw, right. Onomatopoeia. Whew!]

                (We totally googled that.)

                “Shut up,” demands Wade. Peter is curled against his side, sound asleep.

 

 


	2. Steve Wandering New York

Steve twists the bottle cap in his fingers. He found a store that sells old-fashioned Coke-Cola bottles and he bought a six pack. He is sure, without evidence, that Clint and Pietro had stolen four. Steve leans back in his chair and listens to his recording of Ella Fitzgerald. He sighs as the elevator door opens and FRIDAY announces Wanda.

                “Hey,” he says.

                “Hello, Captain,” says Wanda.

Steve hums; since they recruited the twins, Wanda and Pietro only address him as “Captain.” Maybe it’s a way to have distance but familiarity too. Similar to how Pietro calls Clint “strýko”, which means “uncle.” He stays seated as Wanda heads straight to the kitchen. She returns with the last bottled Coke-Cola.

                “This is allowed.” She gestures with the bottle.

Steve nods. Something else, the twins have yet to be comfortable. However, Pietro is getting closer with Clint. Wanda seems to have developed a quiet friendship with Hope and Pepper. Steve supposes it is also because they are the few women who visit outside of Agent 13 and Carol.

They drink in silence for a few minutes until Wanda looks at Steve with concern.

                “What is it?” he asks.

Wanda bites her lips.     

                “Widow told me about the boy.”

Steve waits. She has more to say.

                “You….you won’t force him,” she stops. “I appreciate that we’ve been allowed here, away from Strucker, but, others, wouldn’t appreciate it.”

                “Wanda,” Steve says. He sits up straight in his “Captain pose” as Sam dubbed it. “Why I’m interested in this kid is because he’s a kid. Same with you and your brother. And like you two, he’s alone with someone who Fury wouldn’t mind shooting.”

Wanda looks down at her lap.

                “You think he’s in danger.”

                “I believe Deadpool is unstable and can hurt him.”

Quiet again. Wanda drinks her Coke-Cola.

                “Do you believe something else?” Steve asks.

She combs her hair with her hand and looks in the opposite direction of Steve.

                “Wanda.”

                “I met Deadpool. Not directly. It was when the experiments started and there were dozens of us instead Pietro and me. Strucker hired him and others to seek out more subjects, but he said, in perfect Slovak, “I’m no fuckin’ baby snatcher.” And then hell broke loose. He slashed several guards and almost rescued two of the younger kids.” Wanda sighs. “He failed. They chopped off his head. In front of us, but it kept talking and challenging the others manhood.”

Steve hums.

                “What I am trying to say, Captain, is that he may not be so bad. He seems to care for this boy from what Widow has shown me.”

                “Maybe,” Steve says. “Logan says that he’s not a threat as much as a nuisance. And SHIELD hires him for their whet work. Yet,” Steve continues. “He’s done some things that make Natasha cringe.”

Wanda’s eyes widen and it reminds Steve of Tony’s eyes when he found Steve was not so “American pie” in his orientation. The soda in his mouth tastes sour now.

                “Oh,” she says.

                “Huh. Wanda, we’re not after him. Nat and I know SHIELD will have an interest in the boy and his…situation. Fury’s not a villain, but he has his own agenda. So, I think the best bet for the boy is to have him at the tower or somewhere else. Away from Deadpool.”

Wanda shifts in her seat. Steve picks up the remote for the TV.

                “Turn off the music and we can watch that show you and Pepper like.”

Wanda smiles. “It’s called “Pretty Little Liars” and it is a classic on mean girls and mystery.”

                                                                                *

Steve sits across from Bruce and Clint. To be the third wheel did not bother with Bucky, but it does with these two. How they contrast each other and yet compliment at the same time. Steve twirls the fork in his rice pilaf. The two in front of him are arguing over the merits of desert before dinner.

                “It’s not kosher! Desert comes after the meal, Clint. You don’t eat it before or during.”

                “Yeah, well, in the circus you’re not supposed to be picky with what they give you. That meant cotton candy counted as nutrition and anything on a stick was edible. Including cheesecake.”

                “How do you punish yourself like this? I have to like vegan salads. Vegan. I eat two pieces of cake and my pants don’t fit.”

                “Unless they’re your purple ones,” Clint finishes, shit eating grin on his face.

Bruce blushes pink and pinches the archer.

They go on in this fashion and it makes Steve a bit sick in his stomach. The dark hair to the ash blonde one. The scientist with the spy. The serious one with the goofball.

                “I’ll be back,” he says.

Clint and Bruce watch him leave and they look guilty.

Steve heads toward the bathroom, but takes the long way which also leads to an exit. He steps outside for a few minutes and breathes heavily.

                _I can’t be mad at them. They’re happy. Just because it’s like…..like how me and Tony might’ve been can’t get to me. Besides, I’m still best man._

Steve looks at the sidewalk. He takes out his phone and texts Bruce that he will see them tomorrow. Good that they said they would pay.

He walks away from the restaurant and wanders the city.

New York’s face may have gotten upgrades, however the streets were still the same. Steve walked them to Fifth and then found his way to Manhattan Ave. From there, he cannot stop himself from strolling by the mansion.

Steve stays on the other side of the street to avoid the motion sensors. He stares at the desolate mansion and thinks of when it was the off-base for them. Where they lived and conducted personal business. That changed after Tony’s transformation. He stayed in his room for months and evicted everyone.

It took Rhodey and him to break in again and find out what Tony had done. Remote control Iron Man suits. Pepper too had been busy and sent them letters of invitation to the Avengers Tower in Manhattan. Steve moved there after his lease in D.C. ended as did Natasha.

She did it to get away from SHIELD’s influence. He did it for Tony. In that time, Clint and Bruce had become closer. And now, they’re getting married. Steve was to be the bestman on Clint’s side and Natasha Bruce’s best maid if Tony (most likely) refused to show up.

Steve stared at the house. He walked across the street and the lights went up. The cameras found him.

                “I know you can hear me Tony,” Steve says. Suddenly, Deja vu over takes him from last week. He grits through the onslaught of emotion. “Bruce wants you at the wedding. You’re his friend and he misses you. You barely let him come here and I think he keeps a notebook of stuff to show you. The remote suit isn’t enough…” Steve pauses. “For anyone.” He stares at the tiny camera lens. “Please come. It will mean a lot to him. And everyone.”

Steve turns and finds a taxi. He slumps in the seat and feels his age again. It happens often since Tony locked himself away from the world.

                _I miss you so much_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be following MCU with changed timelines, but since Tony got himself transformed before Iron Man 3 he never had the opportunity to make Ultron because he wasn't physically there to be influenced by Wanda's psychic abilities or to challenge the Mandarin. Those plots will be relieved in later posts, but for now, Wanda and Pietro had left of their own free will and there was no sentient machine trying to extinguish humanity.


End file.
